Dr. Aqua: Spoutin’ Off on Foxes, Babies and Boozing

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Dr. Aqua is a slacker. He’s been surfing the snow and living through the cold winter. And letting his column go as dry as the Rio Grande in September. And he (I) loves the third person. I’m back and ready to rip, cajole and congratulate.

Let’s get it started with some notables. Or not so notables. A film company called NOC Films (no relation to Nantahala Outdoor Center) based in Austin, Texas, recently released a short on You Tube called Foxes on a Kayak. It proves that as human beings, we’re actually devolving. The flick rips a rec paddling George Bush, his various political policies, inarticulate manner of speaking and anything else they can think of. The President is attacked by stuffed Foxes while flatwater paddling.

The satire on various Bushisms works but overall, it’s kind of like Sesame Street on Meth. Frightening. Kudos for writing bikini-clad reporters into the script who were later attacked by the Foxes too. If you have no idea what I’m talking about it’s worth a look: Click Here

I’ve got to hand it to him, Tao is one connected dude. He made his second appearance on Discovery Channel’s Stunt Junkies Monday, February 26. After his Midwestern segment, where he dropped out of helicopter to run a beefy waterfall, Discovery Channel asked him back to take another crack at El Salto Falls in Cuidad Villas, Mexico, one he flubbed in 1998, when Tao was just Tao Berman.

Hey at least he hasn’t let the celebrity go to his head—like Britney Spears who recently shaved hers and checked into rehab. Our Tao is still upstanding, spiking his locks for interviews with people like Forbes, ringing the bell at the New York Stock Exchange and modeling for his own action figure. Let’s see you try to stay out of rehab after you have a GI Joe doll named after you.

In a more serious note, the Paddling Life crew was saddened to hear of the disappearance of Trans-Tasman expeditionary Andrew McAuley, who vanished two weeks ago approximately 30 miles off the New Zealand coast. He was attempting to become the first to paddle the Tasman Sea between Tasmania and New Zealand. The world is truly cruel when a man is so close to journey’s end, only to be swept away by the elements. Our thoughts go out to his wife and young child.

Weekly Observations

I think winter drives paddlers crazy. Need proof? Check out our man Erik Boomer (left, gray undies), who was caught on film prancing around in his drawers after a hard night of partying in Hood River, Ore. Now, we have great respect for the dude’s paddling ability but his costume choice is a bit questionable. We received the photo with the following description from his good buddy, Austin Rathman: “The shot was taken at 6 A.M after Boomer woke up that other guy in the way too tight, nut crunching, butt huggers and ran around humping everyone who was passed out (Boomer being still drunk from the night before). Enjoy (but not too much).”

Uh, enjoy? We all threw up in our mouths a little after seeing the pic.

And last, but certainly not least, thanks Tao, for entertaining Dr. Aqua’s favorite paddler in the whole world, Sam (below), with your action figure. Here’s proof these toys are being used the right way.

Be well boaters. Football season is over so no more agonizing predictions. Congrats Peyton Manning for winning the big one. Unfortunately, we have to listen to the national media drool over you for the next year.